It's eleven o'clock at night.
I have had the most eye opening day.
I don't know if I can sleep.
I have a microbiology exam tomorrow and I really couldn't care less.
For anyone who knows me well, I am a grandma. I'm out cold by 9. So this is late for me.
Today I read the entire book of "Seven" by Jen Hatmaker. Thanks to my friend Jenny from church, I couldn't put it down.. No literally, I read that thing in a day. And my heart hurts.
It hurts because my eyes and heart and blindness have been revealed to me. Where have I been while I was studying scripture? I know exactly where I was, who I was, whatever the heck I was doing...I have been a pharisee. Carefully studying scripture. Keeping and memorizing the passages that fit into my "Cultured Christianity" (or so I call it) and not paying attention to the verses that called me to get dirty, get rid of all my junk (literally) and help the poor. I live in a city where I pass a homeless person everyday. I live in a city that is rampaged with crime and drugs and people trying to find a way to escape from the hardships of life. I live in a city where people need food, and clothes because they only have one outfit that doesn't fit. I live in a city that needs Jesus. And what do I do? I turn up my nose at the homeless and don't help. "They'll spend it on drugs or alcohol anyways." Maybe, but what else do they know?? Here's a revolutionary thought: how about you get off your high horse and go have a conversation with them. Buy the some food. Give them what they need: first real food, then spiritual food.
I realize my fire was just ignited by this book about a woman who gave up the American dream. I realize that fires burn out when struggles begin. But I have also come to realize just how real the verse is that talks about how hard it is for the rich man to get into heaven. Did you know that if you make $50,000 per year that you are in the top 1% of the richest in the world? I think Jesus would be astonished with the way we as "Christians" handle ourselves and our money (that isn't even ours by the way, it's His.)
Overindulgence while the rest of the world in dying in poverty.
We have no excuse. We choose to live in elaborate houses with decorations for every single season and spare bedrooms and excess food going to waste and new stuff every season. And we choose to ignore the poor. If we are God's ambassadors, what are we making him out to look like?
Praise the Lord that our behavior doesn't change who He is.
However, to people who have never read a bible, we are the only bible they may ever read.
What are we portraying about our Savior?
Ouch.
I really don't know what I am going to do about all of this that I have learned today.
This is new water for me. Dangerous territory to my pride and self-consumption.
But what I do know, is that I am sick and tired of being pulled into the world. Nothing brings satisfaction, nothing but Jesus. And please don't start hating me, or stop being my friend, or saying mean comments about how I am becoming "radical" or a "hippie" or that I've "jumped on the crazy train" cause there are some pretty good chances that those descriptions will fit me. All I know is that I don't want to answer to God at the end of my life and say "I thought about raising my voice for your cause, but I didn't think I would be heard among the billions of people on this earth so I just didn't" or worse "I thought about obeying your word radically but then didn't think that little ole me would make a difference, so I just didn't."
We have to answer for ourselves. Not anyone else.
Have I obeyed the word of God radically? No.
Have I taken him seriously? Uh, I thought what you said about (insert anything requiring radical obedience) was a metaphor......
This sickens me. To the point that I am not even tired.
But the beautiful way in which Christ works faithfully is so stinkin cool.
He has been preparing my heart to read this book. My small group from church is studying about this exact thing. I literally emptied my drawers and closets as soon as I got home one night after the study and sorted them out to give away...they are still there (this will change. soon.) But not only that, every quiet time I have had has pointed to this: self-denial. God is slappin me in the face: ITS NOT ABOUT YOU LACEY. There have been doors opened for me to serve. And lots and lots of trials where I just wanted to ball up in a corner and have a pity party because serving and loving others can be brutal. ok I actually did have a pity party. Except it was in the kitchen..in front of my parents..and Matthew...still wanna marry me, honey?
I have always said, practically on the daily, that I want to be like Jesus.
Well, Jesus was weird. He didn't do what everyone else did. He was different, true, authentic, real.
I want to be like him. But first, that means emptying myself of every single idol, and all self-absorption. This also means reading the bible with a fresh pair of "obedient eyes". I want to take everything literally.
We have a teeny tiny bit of time here on earth. I'm sick of wasting my time.
Ok...I was going to keep going, but I started to forget how to spell words so I think I'm gonna hit the hay.
-Lace
Every time I think I've made progress in this area, I find I've really taken a step back. This is such a hard lesson to learn, but what I am unspeakably grateful for is the grace God gives us in this area. He knows we were raised in environments largely insulated from things like poverty and slavery, but He's faithful to move us out of those places if we're willing to listen and to obey.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right. Serving and loving others IS brutal. But I think of Jesus carrying His cross and how He gave His life up before He asked us to give up ours and that helps me to be a little less afraid of and a little more resolved to doing the same.