Thoughts From Engagement So Far...

To start off, I LOVE being engaged. 

I LOVE knowing that Matthew will be my groom forever.

I LOVE the idea of getting married young.

I LOVE all the biblical symbolism that marriage has with it. 

I LOVE love.

However, there are also some adjustments to getting engaged.

Finances, new responsibilities, new fears, new struggles, lost friends, etc etc. There are also a lot of people who want to comment on your decision. And that is totally ok! not everyone would agree with a girl getting engaged at 19 and getting married not even a month after her 20th birthday. (However, I do ask that you say it in a nice way, don't make this girl cry please! p.s. words can hurt)

In this generation, people see a need for both partners to have a full time job and both be financially stable singularly before they join as husband and wife. While I agree that that is a great idea and a whole lot of struggles would be cut out, I also think its perfectly ok to get married before one doesn't have a job. Of course either the husband or the wife needs to have a good income so that we can be responsible adults and pay our bills on time without help from any outer source. In my relationship, that person is Matthew. He would never ask to marry me without knowing that he can take care of me. I know he would never put me into a situation where he couldn't take care of me. And just as a side note in response to some questions I have been asked, my parents are not helping us pay our bills when we get married. They are the absolute best for helping pay for the wedding but that is it. 

(Some answers to other comments I have received:  no I am not doing this for attention, yes my parents did approve of this and love Matthew, no I am not pregnant, and lastly, this marriage will not be ending in divorce in a couple of years. Divorce isn't ever an option for us. Marriage is a life-long commitment.)

Also, new responsibilities. Good gravy. So many new things! I am learning how to cook so I can actually provide Matthew with a home-cooked meal. And let me just tell you, I have so much more respect for people who are amazing cooks. Cooking is an art! And cleaning....let me just say, I am SO glad Matthew and I will be living in a one bedroom apartment till I graduate and have a job. So much less to clean. I very highly dislike cleaning. 

Here's the one that's really truly not so fun. Losing friends because they're not in the same stage of life as you are. Everyone seems to think that when you get engaged and eventually married that you will never be lonely anymore. wrongo. Matthew doesn't have any friends getting married ether so we don't have any couples who can relate. While Matthew is my absolute best friend, sometimes I just need a girlfriend, and sometimes he just needs a guy friend. I am so thankful to have my mama because we are the very best of friends. She understands that I still need a girlfriend to vent to and stay up late eating food and watching movies. Just because you get married doesn't mean you're an old housewife who only likes to crochet and drink tea and exchange recipes. (Although that does sound really fun!)

New fears...as I am approaching our wedding date, I am freaking out. What if I am not a good enough wife? What if I am the worst cook ever and he really hates everything I make? What if I have some weird quirk that I don't know that I do and I get on his last nerve?  What if I get really fat and look bigger than him? (rational fear, y'all) The struggle is real y'all. But I am trusting in God that He will prepare me for this life change, cause I know I am a mess and a lot to put up with. 

While all these things play into getting married young, the benefits for outweigh the struggles. All throughout scripture, marriage is related to the bible. God is the groom, and the church is his bride. Marriage is a picture of God's love as well. It is a binding commitment. No matter how horrible of a cook I am, no matter how many meltdowns I have, no matter how bad I score on a test, I know Matthew will still love, accept me, and wrap me in his arms. Thats the same thing with my heavenly Father. No matter how much I sin, or stray from him throughout the day, he will always love me, accept me, and wrap me in his arms. I tell Matthew even now that he truly shows me Christs love through the way he shows love to me even when I don't deserve it. And if its like that now while we're only engaged, I can't even imagine how much more I will see the symbolism when we are actually married! 

The reason I am most excited for marriage isn't because of the diamond ring, the wedding ceremony/reception, or getting to be with Matthew every second...I am most excited for marriage because of how it will lead me to know my Savior even more. I have heard countless times that "marriage is sanctifying". I know I will probably be horrible in the beginning. I know I won't show Christ's love all the time and I know I will mess up...ALOT. But that's the thing about being in a relationship with Christ. It's a constant struggle of denying yourself daily. And I know there are days and moments where I say "nope, nope, nope, this is all about me. It will be as I want it, and there is no other way I will have it." Seems like I am an absolute jerk when I actually type that out, and my mouth doesn't actually say those words, but that's what our heart says doesn't it? When we choose not to deny ourselves and pursue Christ?

I think that is what marriage will be like. A visual, tangible picture of how I am to deny myself and put Matthews needs/desires/feelings first. My life's daily goal is to deny myself and choose Christ. And I mess up. A lot. Ask my parents. And in six months, ask Matthew.. 

I'll completely mess up in my marriage, but I am excited for the new messy but wonderful and sanctifying road I will be taking. 

Verses of Marriage and Symbolism:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Ephesians 5:25-27

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

Revelation 21:2

-Lacey Beth