Why Marriage Is Scary

I am terrified to get married.

There I said it.

I am terrified that I am going to disappoint Matthew. That I won't be all that he had imagined me to be. i'm pretty positive that I have some seriously annoying habits. I know that my sins will all be there right out in the open. He will see how easily I get annoyed. He will be the victim to me saying something hurtful just because I am stressed. He will witness me having full out break-downs. I won't be able to go to my room and hide when I feel like a failure and just want to cry....we'll be living in a one bedroom apartment for goodness sakes! THERE WILL NO WHERE TO HIDE.

I don't even know all the annoying stuff I do! Do I snore? Do I drool when I sleep?? (embarrassing). 

I might actually be a terrible cook. I have GOT to work on being clean and organized because if not we will be living in a pig pen. Also, I break/damaged/tear/stain everything. And I really really try not to! It just happens! Every day! All the time! I'm sure thats going to drive him crazy. 

Quite frankly though, I don't think he will get on my nerves. I honestly used to call him my guardian angel because he is as close to perfect as it comes. I mean he's definitely not perfect. He definitely has his flaws, but they are so stinking tiny! Sometimes I just wish he would spill something on himself. I mean forreal. Do something wrong Matthew. Compared to you I look like I wallered in the mud. 

He is a clean freak. Every thing in his apartment is spotless...until I come over and everything is everywhere and he cleans up after me. (pathetic on my part I know). He is the best teacher I know. He is always going above and beyond at work and being praised for it. He deeply cares for his students and works his butt off to teach them the best he can. He is also in seminary and studies and writes papers like no one's business on top of having a full time job. He leads the middle school youth at our church every Sunday and preaches God's word boldly. He doesn't want me to work while I am in school so he supports me financially whenever I need it. Plus he adds to his schedule anything I ask of him...like the discipleship group we committed to for a year. AND THEN, he has to put up with me. Goodness, that man is superman. 

So, you can probably see why I am so terrified to get married. I don't want to let such an amazing man down. Of course He knows mostly all of my annoying habits and sinful nature. We spend almost every day together. But it will be different when we live together and have said our vows. 

Marriage is a binding commitment. For Matthew and I, it means absolutely forever. Divorce is never ever ever an option. So if I annoy the socks off of him, I feel bad for him because he can't leave. 

Right now as I am reading through the bible, I see how devious wives can be to their godly husbands. Eve tempted Adam with the forbidden fruit. God promised Abraham that he would give him a son through Sarah but she didn't believe and told him to lie with her servant to have a son. Rachel deceived Isaac by dressing Jacob up like Esau to take Esau's blessing. 

I want to be a godly wife towards Matthew. I don't want to manipulate him, deceive him, or hurt him in any degree. I want to encourage him, submit to him, love him, and make him feel like a king in our home. But most importantly, I want to point him to Jesus in every aspect of our lives. I want to work with him in proclaiming Jesus and his kingdom, and not hinder him from doing that. 

Ephesians 5:21-33

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

By the way... did anyone else notice verse 27 where is says " and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." So maybe Matthew will make my clumsiness and tendency to destroy everything I own go away! No more stains or wrinkles on my clothes yay!!!! Hahaha just kidding :)

-lace